The Joke Thread

Discussion relating to anything not football related

Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Garawa » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:01 pm

Ha ha until Chicago tells her!
For all manner of stats and facts during games, add me on twitter: @Gills_Stats

Previous board user ID: gwade_871 (3440 posts)
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:07 pm

Just another little titbit I will hide away for another day,give them enough rope and they all hang themselves in the end,lol.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby lidbid46 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 7:28 pm

Oh dear.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Sun Jul 16, 2017 7:09 am

A man goes to the doctor's says..
"I have a problem after i masturbate i start to sing Glory glory Man utd" Doc says
"Dont worry lots of w*****s sing that".
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Wed Sep 20, 2017 3:07 pm

Just been on a dieting website and it asked me if I accept cookies.

Is that a trick question?:)
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Mon Jan 29, 2018 4:04 pm

R


Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.
The patient replies:
"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."
Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds:
"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."
Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the Prince moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:
"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."
Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and asks "Is this a psychiatric ward?"
"No," replies the doctor,






"this is the Serious Burns Unit."
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Tue Jan 30, 2018 3:28 pm

Population of the US.............323.1 million.
People I told this joke to........263.7 million.
People that got it.................1.
A little old Lady from Dublin who said thats sad love,you shouldn't tell storys like that, haha.
I on the other hand thought it was great, even though I struggled for a few minutes re reading it and missing the joke, several times..... please don't put the punch line so far down next time, thanks hahaha.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Thu Oct 24, 2019 11:12 am

Bonnie Tyler is releasing a football blunders DVD.

It's totally clips of Joe Hart
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Thu Oct 31, 2019 12:56 pm

Were going to a Halloween Party tonight, my friend came round last evening to show me her sexy Pirate Costume she is going to wear , she said do you know any good Pirate Jokes and I said no , and she said NO NEITHER DO AAAAYYYEEEE. I kind of thought we were going to get on fine but when she said she didn't want to come to the gym with me the other night I knew then it would never work out. She said she didn't need to because now she has become a vegetarian and was losing weight anyway , I said that was a big Missed Steak.
Only good thing about today is I asked the boss yesterday if I could get to work a bit later and he said Dream On, which I think was pretty nice of him, and gives me time to write this before I leave home,which I don't really want to do because it is snowing and blowing a gale,earliest snow for like 50 years.
Time for me to write a begging note to Bunbury ask him if he has a couch I can use for the winter .
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Tue Aug 11, 2020 1:28 pm

Was watching Australian MasterChef last night; guy made a meringue and everybody started cheering and clapping.

I thought that was a bit odd. Normally in Australia they boo meringues
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