The Joke Thread

Discussion relating to anything not football related

Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Kent_UckyFriedGills » Sat Jul 25, 2015 5:53 pm

The Wife asked me for something that does nought to Sixty in 5 Seconds for her Birthday..
... I bought her a set of bathroom scales.
Noircat Premier League Champion 2007,and 2014.Noircat FA Cup (Runner Up 2014).Promoted to the Premier League (Runner Up 2017,and 2020 in the Championship).

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:51 am

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor, he wondered aloud how on earth he could afford such a house.
The Spaniard replied:‘You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to construct a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, I could build this place.’
The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek mayor's house: gold taps, marble floors, diamond doorknobs, it was marvellous.
When he asked how he’d raised the money to build this incredible house, the Greek mayor said:‘You see that bridge over there?’
The Spaniard replied: ‘No.’
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Garawa » Mon Jul 27, 2015 1:09 pm

:-D
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Kent_UckyFriedGills » Wed Oct 14, 2015 10:02 pm

"My mate has a new job clearing leaves this Autumn.

He reckons he’s going to rake it in."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off."
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"What's the hottest part of the sun?

Page 3"
Noircat Premier League Champion 2007,and 2014.Noircat FA Cup (Runner Up 2014).Promoted to the Premier League (Runner Up 2017,and 2020 in the Championship).

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Thu Oct 22, 2015 1:27 pm

Back to the Future
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby lidbid46 » Sun Nov 01, 2015 10:26 pm

Oy, that was uncalled for!
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby phil38 » Fri Nov 20, 2015 2:50 pm

Sometimes... when you cry ... no one sees your tears... sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile... But fart just one time...
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby phil38 » Fri Nov 20, 2015 2:51 pm

Old people poke me at weddings and tell me "your next"
So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby phil38 » Fri Nov 20, 2015 2:54 pm

Most commen lies ever told:
"I didn't do it"
"I'm fine"
"I have read and agreed to the Terms and Conditions"
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Garawa » Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:00 pm

Ha ha, welcome to the board Phil. Love your first one!!
For all manner of stats and facts during games, add me on twitter: @Gills_Stats

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