The Joke Thread

Discussion relating to anything not football related

Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Fri Apr 09, 2021 12:36 am

My g/f asked me last night Is Google Male or Female ? I said female of course, and she WHY do you think that ? It's obvious says I smuggly, it doesn't let you finish a question before making a suggestion. I knew there was a reason I bought this 92 inch long couch.
Last edited by gillsfan1066 on Fri Apr 09, 2021 1:26 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Fri Apr 09, 2021 1:00 am

A bus full of passengers is crashing off the edge of the La Cumbre Pass over 15,000 feet above sea level on the worlds most dangerous road between La Paz and Coroico in Bolivia. A beautiful 18 year old girl jumps up and rips her clothes off and screams is there any man on this bus who could make me feel like a woman ? A guy jumps up,rips off his shirt and throws it at her and says, here iron this.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Fri Apr 09, 2021 7:19 am

David Beckham's son arrived for training, asked the coach "What number shirt am I?"

The coach replied, " Romeo wear four out there."
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Fri Apr 09, 2021 8:42 am

I have never seen a reality chat show for more than the time it takes me to find the TV remote, I kind of new the Beckham's had a child called Brooklyn ,but I assumed it was a girl,because over here Brooklyn is a girls name, and calling him Brooklyn is a bit like calling him Millwall Beckham, or Tower Hamlets Beckham.
Then they have another son called Romeo, how cruel is that, can you imagine after a few beers Mr.Romeo can't perform, I guess the tell all will make Mia Regan a few extra million bucks and headlines for the Sun's front page. (Do they still have the Sun newspaper) ?
Then they have a daughter called Harper Seven, after Harper Lee, Victoria Beckham favorite author,( Lee published two books in her lifetime) and her Fathers football shirt number at Man Utd and England. Harper Beckham is about 9 and already hailed for her " incredibly chic " and individualist style.
Then there is Cruz Beckham , so in English he is Cross Beckham, 16 and going to have a career in music, here comes the Spice Boys.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Fri Apr 09, 2021 2:11 pm

As a newspaper (?) The Sun is struggling: it costs less than a cup of coffee so I suppose we could do our bit - Lets go and buy that coffee !
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Sun Apr 11, 2021 6:41 pm

David Beckham flies to JFK Airport in New York , jumps in a cab and notices the driver staring intensely at him in the rear view mirror.
The Driver finally says ,Give me a hint guy .
Beckham sighs and says I had a brilliant career at Manchester United Soccer Club, I played for the LA Galaxy, GQ Magazine calls me a Power House in the business world, and I married the most important Spice Girl of them all and the Queen gave me an OBE.
The driver replies, no you Goddamn idiot, where are we going ?
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Mon Apr 12, 2021 6:36 am

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle. My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable. It seemed to take an age, but eventually, there she was, stood beside me.
I gave her a cheeky wink and said




'Get that trolley over here, love, they're doing 3 cases of Stella for the price of 2'!
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Wed Apr 14, 2021 12:41 pm

When I was 18 I was torn between the Leigh sisters Lorraine and Clare. Lorraine was older and, if I am honest, the less attractive of the two, but I just couldn’t decide.

Eventually fate took hold of the situation and Lorraine left for university.

I was so happy that I could see Clare Leigh now Lorraine has gone
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Garawa » Wed Apr 14, 2021 9:55 pm

Blooming heck Cadbury, these final lines after these lead ups are ingenious!
For all manner of stats and facts during games, add me on twitter: @Gills_Stats

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Thu Apr 15, 2021 2:09 am

Last night some idiot with a tractor kept driving up and down our road shouting THE END IS NIGH, THE END IS NIGH turned out it was FARMER GEDON.
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