The Joke Thread

Discussion relating to anything not football related

Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Wed Feb 10, 2021 9:06 am

Just burnt my Hawaiian Pizza - guess I should have put it on Aloha temperature
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Mon Feb 15, 2021 1:40 pm

The wife asked me what sort of cut she should have when lockdown is over.

It seems that a power cut was not the answer she was looking for

I'm due due to be discharged from hospital sometime tomorrow
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Wed Feb 17, 2021 3:01 pm

A blond went home from her first day at work with a 100 bucks in ones ,fives and ten dollar bills. Who gave you that said her Mother ? The guys in the warehouse and all I had to do was climb a tree .Honey said her Mother they just wanted to see your panties . I know that said the blond, that's why I took them off.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Tue Feb 23, 2021 12:36 pm

Why is it that a number of F1 drivers are named after Scottish towns ?

* Stirling Moss
* Lewis Hamilton
* Eddie Irvine


and of course Ayr Town Centre
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Fri Feb 26, 2021 11:55 pm

I have only been going out with my new girlfriend for a couple of weeks and last night was the first time she stayed over for the night. She was reading the jokes on here and told me that if 50 people read this post she would do whatever she said she didn't like to do last night in bed right there and then. Do me a favour don't read this post till Thursday she is away on a business trip till then.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Thu Mar 04, 2021 3:26 pm

Just to reassure all my scouse friends out there !

You are being offered a "jab" and not a "job" so please don't panic
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Thu Mar 04, 2021 11:10 pm

Love it, haha still laughing.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Thu Mar 04, 2021 11:16 pm

My next door neighbor is a 90 year old man with alzheimer's, every morning at 6 am he knocks on my door to ask me if I have seen his wife,EVERY DAMN MORNING,seven days a week. I explain to him EVERY MORNING that his wife is dead and has been for 5 years, I have thought about not answering the door particularly in the cold snowy weather we had this year, but to be honest it's worth it just to see the smile on his face.,
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Thu Mar 04, 2021 11:45 pm

A women playing golf with her friend tees off and watches in horror as the ball slices towards a foursome coming down the next fairway over The ball hits one of the guys and he drops to the floor holding his crotch laying in the fetal position. The woman rushes over to him and starts apologising, telling the guy she is an ER nurse and she can help him with the pain .
She loosens his belt,undoes his trousers and puts her hand in his underwear and starts gently massaging him. Five minutes later she asks him how he feels. He smiles at her and says I feel great ,but I still think I might have a broken thumb.
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